Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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