just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
