I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
