ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
