so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize