My Higher Power is John Stamos
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need water and some morals
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
