is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
