someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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