I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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