I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
