then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
that may or may not have been my penis.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
