I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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