not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
