is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize