just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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