They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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