You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
