we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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