I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
