ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
