Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
