So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
