I am in a vortex of obligation.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
