Walk of Shame. In a state park.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
