Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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