You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
