Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
