you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
