textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
