oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
