i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
