I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
