it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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