just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize