i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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