It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
