I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
