fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's Friday. Sex?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
