just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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