someone get that fucking seahorse.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
