I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
