so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
