But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
