Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
