I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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