there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
