I think scott just propositioned me for sex
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
