Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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