I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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