New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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