so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
