It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize