The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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