I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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