Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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