dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
