I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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