i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
