some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
