i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
