Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
