Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
