Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize