I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
