Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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