I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize