Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
