Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
