I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
